I let myself get chased off OKCupid once. Yeah, I say I was ready to cancel my account anyway, and I kind of was, but the guy who created multiple accounts to keep messaging me after I blocked him, repeating that I was so ugly I should just kill myself, was the final straw. He won.
I spent a year working at VH1, looking for new shows to develop. We browsed YouTube for hours each day. Shows keep getting picked up by comedy writers with Twitter accounts. It seems the way to break in right now is to have an online presence. And it often feels like this is just one more subtle way the patriarchy is winning. Like how Lorne Michaels recently had it brought to his attention that he was looking for SNL writers in primarily white, male-dominated spaces, and, to his credit, is making an effort to fix it. But for non-comediennes, our option is to sit at home and write. And then get discovered… by magic? Most contest winners in recent years work on shows – some are already staffed. I’ve been a PA. I’ve been told that I can’t get promoted to the position I want because I don’t work as hard as the boys. I’ve had people say this after watching me assemble all of the office furniture on my own before the boys were even hired.
So I’m wading into this space. I haven’t told my friends and family yet that I’m posting regularly. My New Year’s resolution was to “use what I have,” and I have this blog. I’m supposed to be getting my writing out there. But even on female-centric blogs where most of the comments are positive, the owners will sometimes admit that they get horrible things emailed to them. Ironically, since I’ve started posting regularly I’ve actually seen my readership go down. But I’m trying to work on step one: posting regularly. So I’m writing about whatever I think of at the time. Stories, advice, whatever. Today, I’m thinking about what it means to say “I can’t be chased away again,” and what it means to actually not be chased away.